Healthy and unhealthy relationships: Advice for young people

Trigger warning: It can sometimes be upsetting or triggering to read information about unhealthy relationships. Some of the information on this page may feel difficult to read or might cause strong or upsetting feelings. Please only continue reading if you feel safe to, you might want to come back to this page later on.

A relationship is something that should make you feel happy and respected.

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You can have many different types of relationships, such as a romantic one, one in your family, or a friendship.  

It can sometimes feel hard to know whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. Sometimes a relationship that feels good or started off as healthy, can become unhealthy. It might be a few small things that make you question your relationship, or one big thing that’s happened.

Continue reading below to help understand the signs of a healthy or unhealthy relationship.

A healthy relationship includes:

• Being able to be yourself – being able to continue to be yourself, do the things you enjoy, and see the people you enjoy seeing, outside of your relationship.

• Good communication – being able to talk openly without feeling nervous about being judged or scared of what might happen.

• Trust – you trust each other and can spend time with other people without feeling jealous or controlling.

• Everyone being treated equally – nobody in the relationship has more say than the other, and nobody forces the other to do something they don’t want to do.

• Respect – being able to listen and respect each other, including each other’s boundaries. Being able to say what you think without having to worry about what might happen or change what you want to say.

Knowing whether a relationship is becoming unhealthy or abusive isn’t always easy. There might be things in your relationship that are going well or feel good, but there may be things that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. If someone is making you feel this way, it’s important to talk about it.

Some signs of an unhealthy relationship include:

• Being criticised for how you look, dress, or express yourself through your appearance.

• Being stopped from seeing or speaking to other people in your life outside of the relationship, or your partner feeling jealous when you do.

• Being physically hurt or hit.

• Being verbally threatened.

• Being brought lots of gifts, but sometimes with the expectation that you have to do something in return for them.

• Not being in control of your own money.

• Not feeling in control of your own life.

• Feeling pressure to do sexual things you don’t want to do.

• Feeling pressure to do things that are dangerous or make you feel uncomfortable.

• Your partner going through your phone, social media, and messages.

If you’re feeling unsure or unsafe in your relationship, talking it through with someone you trust can help. We know it can be difficult to talk about your relationships, especially if they feel unhealthy, but know you’re not alone and there is support available for you.

If someone is abusive or is making you feel unsafe in your relationship, it’s important to get some support.

If you are in immediate danger, you should always call 999.

If you’re feeling unsafe in your relationship, it can be good to:

• Speak to someone you trust – if you’re feeling unsure about parts of your relationship, or you know that something isn’t right, it’s important to try and speak to a trusted adult or friend. It can feel hard to do sometimes, but finding support is really important. If you’re not sure who to turn to, you can find other support available to you here.

• Make a safety plan – it can be helpful to know what you would do if you were threatened or you didn’t feel safe. Childline have some great resources to help create a personal safety plan. You can find safety plan information here.

• Make some time for you – if you can, taking some time for yourself can be really nourishing. You could prioritise some of your time for a hobby or doing some more things with friends outside of your relationship.

• Find support – there is help available if you need it. You could speak to someone you trust, search for support in your local area, or even contact the police if you’re scared. Find more information about how to get support below.

Sometimes it can feel hard to figure out if your relationship is unhealthy or abusive. To help think about your relationship, and how it makes you feel, Childline have set up  Childline’s ‘Relationship Check-Up' tool which you could try if you’re feeling unsure.

If you’re thinking about ending a relationship, be it romantic or a friendship, it can feel scary. It might feel hard now, and it can take time for you to feel ready, but if or when you want to, it can be helpful to:

• Plan what you are going to say – focus on how you’ve been feeling and your experiences. Remember to clearly say that you want to end things so it’s clear to the other person what is happening.

• Pick a neutral, public place – it can help to meet up in a neutral, public place, where other people will be around. This could be somewhere like a coffee shop or shopping centre.

• Bring someone with you – it can be a good idea to bring someone with you if you can. They don’t have to sit with you the whole time if you don’t want but knowing someone is keeping an eye on the situation can be reassuring.

• Tell someone you trust where you’re going – if you’ve made a plan and you’re feeling unsure about how the conversation will go, it can be a good idea to let someone you trust know when and where you are going.

• Plan how you’ll get home safely – think about where and how you will have this conversation, and plan how you’ll get home safely before you meet up. Contact the police on 999 if you feel in immediate risk.

• End things over message if you need to – if it feels like too much, or you're unsure to do in person, you can end things over messages if it feels safer.

• Get support – talking to and being with friends and family can really help you to feel better.

• Support for after breaking up –if they contact you again, threaten you, or start showing up in places you normally go, this is not your fault, and you can get support.

If you’re struggling to find support, or feel like there isn’t someone to talk to, there are other ways you can get support and advice.

For immediate support:

All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in April 2025. We will next review the page in 2028.