Trigger warning: It can sometimes be upsetting or triggering to read information about grief and loss. Some of the information on this page may feel difficult to read or might cause strong or upsetting feelings. Please only continue reading if you feel safe to, you might want to come back to this page later on.
When you lose someone close to you, it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions. You might feel sad, confused, angry or worried. Grieving is a personal thing and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
What is grief?
Grief is how you feel when you lose someone or something important to you. It’s not only about death - any kind of loss can be really hard, no matter what it is or how close you were. Grief is a normal part of life that everyone goes through at some point. It might feel overwhelming, but you’re not alone, and things can get better with time.
Everyone experiences grief in their own way. It’s important to take care of yourself and do whatever feels right for you, but do try and respect how others are grieving too. They might not want to talk about it, even if you do. That doesn’t mean either of you is handling it wrong, you’re just processing things differently.
Other ways grief might make you feel
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Guilty.
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Shocked.
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In disbelief.
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Alone.
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Depressed.
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Anxious.
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Tired.
Or you might not feel much at all, that’s fine too. It doesn’t mean you didn’t or don’t care.
Working through your grief
Grieving takes time so try to be kind to yourself and not rush things. You might feel OK one day, and then suddenly feel sad when you’re not expecting it. That’s normal, and just your body’s way of processing your emotions.
It’s common for our emotions to change over time as we work through grief. Some studies suggest there are ‘five stages’ that people go through:
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Denial – when it’s hard to accept what has happened and you feel confused, shocked or like it’s not real.
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Anger – you might feel angry and try to find something or someone to blame. It might feel like things are out of your control.
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Depression – feeling sad and hopeless, like there is a big weight on your shoulders.
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Bargaining – you might feel guilty and think you could have done something to change what’s happened or wish things had turned out differently.
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Acceptance – starting to accept what has happened and process your feelings and emotions to take steps forward in your grief.
You might feel all or some of these emotions, and you might experience them in any order. Or you might not experience any of them at all, which is OK too. However you work through your grief is personal to you, this is just one way to help us name and try to understand our feelings.
Cuddle someone you love, either a person or an animal.
Young person
How to cope with grief during big occasions
Big occasions or milestone events can be tough when you’ve lost someone close to you. Celebrations like birthdays or religious holidays can bring feelings of grief to the surface.
During these times it’s important to take care of yourself and if things feel overwhelming, take a step away and give yourself time and space to process how you’re feeling.
It’s normal to miss the person you’ve lost so having a plan to help you cope during big occasions might help. Here are some ideas:
Share memories
Sharing your favourite memories of the person you’ve lost can help you still feel connected to them during big occasions. You could share stories, photos or videos.
Continue traditions
Carrying on with traditions, like playing games or visiting a special place, can help you to continue enjoying the things you used to do together.
Remember or include their favourite things
Perhaps they liked a certain food or meal, or maybe they listened to specific music during big occasions. By remembering or including these things you can still include them in the event.
Take a break or set boundaries
Big occasions or milestone events can be busy and make us feel stressed. It’s important to allow yourself to take breaks when you need it and find a quiet place to relax or practice meditation or mindfulness.
You can also set yourself some boundaries as to how much you want to do on these days or how long you want to stay. It’s OK to leave early if you need to.
Visit their resting place or a somewhere that was special to them
During big occasions it can be nice to visit where your loved one is laid to rest or somewhere meaningful to them, to lay flowers or leave a handwritten card or note.
Tips for moving forward with your grief
As time moves on you may feel an expectation to move on from your grief – maybe from others or from yourself. But remember, there is no time limit on grief, and it may be that you never stop grieving your loss. Lots of people find it helpful to think about moving forward with their grief, rather than trying to move on.
Below are some tips which might help you when you feel ready.
Talk to someone about how you’re feeling
This may be a friend, a trusted adult or a professional. Letting people in and sharing how you are feeling can be daunting, but just know that there is support out there for you and that you are not alone.
You might feel that you need professional support to help you live with your grief. Finding professional support often starts with speaking to your Doctor, who can help you find the right support.
Create a memory box or keep objects that remind you of them
Creating a memory box of things that remind you of them or filling it with their favourite things can be a positive way to cherish your memories. You could add photos of the person, their favourite book, their perfume or items of clothing and jewellery that they wore.
Do things on behalf of the person you’ve lost
Is there somewhere they always wanted to go or something they always wanted to try? Perhaps you could do it on their behalf. Or you could get involved in a fundraising or campaigning event to honour their memory.
Express yourself
This could be through creative activities like writing poetry, drawing, painting or music. Or it could be through joining a new club or taking up a new hobby. Sometimes this can help us to move forward by giving us something new to focus on.
Remember it’s OK to enjoy life again
We can sometimes feel guilty about feeling happy when we’ve lost someone close to us. But having good days or feeling positive doesn’t mean you don’t care and aren’t still grieving. It’s OK to enjoy life after a loss.
How to access support
We are all wonderfully unique, which is why the right support will look different to everyone. There are lots of types of support, it’s all about finding out what’s going to be best for you.
Feeling lonely
It’s normal to feel lonely sometimes. It can happen anytime, anywhere and to anyone. It can seem difficult to cope when you’re feeling lonely, but we have a few tips which may help.
What is anxiety?
It is very normal to feel anxious sometimes - everyone does - and you shouldn’t ever be embarrassed to talk about it. Here we look at some of the reasons why it happens, as well as some tips and advice to combat it.
All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in April 2025. We will next review the page in 2028.