Five to Thrive: Relax

Feeling stressed for a long time can affect our physical and mental health, and change how the brain works, even for adults. Because children’s brains are developing it’s even more important to teach them how to respond to stressful situations so their brains can develop healthily. 

Being able to handle stress helps children's brains grow in a strong and balanced way. Developing the ability to remain calm in challenging situations will also help them build their resilience as they grow. 

Find out how you can help your baby, child or teenager learn how to relax when they encounter stressful situations. 

When we feel threatened or under pressure, our bodies release stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This is part of the body’s natural fight or flight response, which helps us react quickly in dangerous situations. To do this, the body puts reasoning and thinking on hold so we can react quickly.  

Normally, once the situation has passed and we calm down the body stops producing these hormones. But when stress continues over a long period, the brain stays on high alert. This can affect both our physical and mental health and even change how our brains function. Stress can also impact areas of the brain involved in mood, self-control, and decision-making. And while these effects are serious for adults, it can be even more harmful for babies and children whose brains are still forming. 

The good news is that while babies aren’t born knowing how to manage stress, they learn how to by being closely connected to at least one calm, caring adult. So, you can help their brains build the connections they need to cope with strong emotions and feelings.  

By staying calm, showing empathy, and using simple techniques to manage your own stress, you’re teaching your child valuable skills they’ll use for life. 

Children often show us how they feel through their behaviour, especially when they don’t yet have the words or ability to explain it. Tantrums, tears, clinginess, or sudden silence can all be signs that a child is experiencing big emotions they don’t yet know how to name or manage. 

Helping children learn to recognise what’s happening in their body, connect it to an emotion, and then find a way to express and manage it can help them feel more in control. Plus, it means they’re better prepared to handle stressful situations. 

Help them name feelings 

When they're younger you can teach them the words for emotions just like you teach them the words for objects, by labelling them.  

• “You look really frustrated that your tower fell over.” 
• “I think you might be feeling a bit nervous about going to nursery today.” 
• “Are you feeling sad because your friend couldn’t come to play?” 

You can use books, stories, or pictures to talk about feelings:

• “How do you think they’re feeling?” 
• “What do you see on their face?” 
• “Have you ever felt that way?” 

You could also play a game where you ask your child to copy the expressions with their face - happy, sad, angry, scared, excited, calm - or ask them to pull faces based on different situations. 

Talk about your own feelings to help encourage them to talk about their emotions and show healthy ways of managing them:

• “I felt proud when I finished that job.” 
• “I’m a little worried about the appointment, so I’m going to take some deep breaths.” 

Start with basic feelings like happy, sad, angry, tired, scared, excited, then gradually introduce more specific ones like frustrated, embarrassed, nervous, disappointed, proud as your child grows.   

Teach them what emotions can feel like 

Once your child knows the words for different emotions, you can help them understand how those feelings show up in their body.

For example: 

• "Butterflies in your tummy" might mean they’re feeling nervous or excited. 
• A fast heartbeat might mean they’re scared, excited, or angry. 
• Tight shoulders or a grumpy face could be signs of frustration. 

Ask gentle questions like: 

• “What do you notice in your body when you're feeling angry?” 
• “Where do you feel it when you’re worried?” 
• "What can help you feel calmer when that happens?"   

When your child begins to understand the signals their body gives them, they can learn how to respond in ways that help them calm down and feel safe. 

When your child refuses to eat their food, won't put their shoes on, or lies down in the middle of the supermarket, it can require so much strength to stay calm, but getting stressed usually makes things harder.

When you stay calm, your child is more likely to stay calm or return to a calm state faster. Your own breathing, heart rate and tone of voice set the emotional tone for your child. Keep it low and steady, and theirs is likely to follow.

As hard as it may be, and we know it can feel impossible at times, try to model how you’d like them to respond to difficult situations. For example, by staying calm, avoiding shouting, and taking deep breaths.   

If you don’t react the way you would have chosen to, it’s okay. Take a moment to explain simply and gently why it happened to your child: "I was feeling really frustrated and didn’t respond how I wanted to. I’m sorry." Doing this teaches your child an important life skill, how to learn from mistakes and move on. 

When you understand what’s happening in your own body, it becomes easier to pause and manage your stress. This helps your child feel safe and settled too. 

Learning to do the below can make a big difference to both you and your child: 

• Pause. 
• Breathe. 
• Reflect. 
• Find calm. 
• Relax. 

You might find that practising mindfulness for a few minutes a day might help you with this. The NHS has helpful resources on what mindfulness is and how it might work for you. 

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated; it could be as simple as taking a moment to really focus on your child. If they’re little or are comfortable with you being close to them, notice their warmth, the sounds they make, how they smell, or how they look as they relax with you. Let yourself be fully present with them, without thinking about your to-do list or things that have upset you. Just be in the moment together. 

Even small moments of relaxation can make a big difference to your child’s wellbeing, and your own.  

Take a moment to reflect, have you: 

• Used gentle touch or a soft voice to soothe and calm? 
• Offered praise or encouragement to build their confidence? 
• Reassured your child when they were upset or overwhelmed? 
• Been kind to yourself, even when things felt challenging? 
• Taken even a few minutes to breathe and relax? 
• Shared some quiet time before bed to help wind down? 
• Created moments of downtime throughout the day, for both of you? 

Remember, it’s not about everything happening perfectly, it’s about trying to do small things that will help you all feel more prepared to handle life’s challenges in the future. ​​​​

 All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in December 2025. We will next review the page in 2028. This page was co-produced in partnership with KCA.