This part of Five to Thrive is all about “cuddle” for babies and children and becomes “engage” for young people and adults. It involves physical contact and emotional connection which helps babies and children feel safe, loved, and physically comforted by their caregivers.
These moments also support the healthy development of your child’s brain, particularly the parts involved in emotional regulation, trust, and relationships.
When your child feels connected to you, their brain releases feel-good chemicals (like oxytocin), which reduce stress and strengthens the bond between you. You don’t have to be perfect, just present. Even a few moments of warm, focused attention each day can make a big difference.
Baby
Touch is your baby’s very first sense to develop. Even before they understand the world around them, they feel it. Gentle touch is a powerful way to comfort, connect, and bond with your baby. Close physical contact also helps to calm their nervous system and supports healthy brain development.
Because your baby’s skin is so new and delicate, they need safe, gentle touch. Skin to skin contact by you and your baby’s main carers is especially beneficial in the early weeks.
Here are some simple ways to connect through touch:
- Stroking or gently patting their back or tummy.
- Softly caressing their hands or feet.
- Giving baby massage.
- Holding and cuddling them close.
- Rocking them in your arms.
- Brushing their hair or gently touching their face.
- Making warm physical contact during care routines and play.
Your baby will soon begin to show you what kind of touch they enjoy, watch how they respond and follow their lead.
You can cuddle your baby as much as you like. You can’t spoil a baby by meeting their needs. Your loving touch helps them feel secure and builds the foundation for lifelong emotional wellbeing.
Nursery rhymes that involve touch are great for little ones. They help you engage in physical contact while playing. Try ‘This little piggy went to market’, or ‘Round and round the garden.’ If you don’t know them don’t worry. There are videos and lyrics on the BBC’s CBeebies and Tiny Happy people websites.
Karen Marlton
Team Manager at Barnardo’s
Toddler and pre-schooler
Your toddler or pre-schooler might still love singing nursery rhymes together, but you can also try creating a cosy corner with soft cushions and a blanket. This special space lets you sit close, read stories, or play gently side by side.
Want to make it even more fun? Build a blanket fort or tent where you can snuggle up, talk, or play imaginative games together.
Another great idea is role-playing hairdresser games, where you take turns brushing and styling each other’s hair, perfect for gentle touch and connection.
These simple, loving activities help nurture your child’s emotional security and support healthy brain development through responsive, caring touch.
Your child’s brain works best when they feel connected to you. One simple way to strengthen that connection is by sharing screen-free mealtimes. Sitting together without distractions like TV or phones gives you both a chance to talk, listen, and enjoy being together.
Supporting your toddler or pre-schooler through big emotions
Your toddler or pre-schooler may sometimes feel distressed or overwhelmed by strong emotions. In these moments, they need your support to begin calming down, before you talk about boundaries or behaviour.
They might want you close, perhaps a cuddle or simply sitting nearby, or they may prefer a bit of space. Follow their lead and offer comfort in the way that suits them best.
Primary aged and older
As your child grows into the primary school years and beyond, their need for cuddles may change but their need for connection remains just as important.
Getting down to their level when you talk, literally kneeling or sitting so you’re face-to-face, helps you tune in to how they’re feeling. This simple act shows respect and makes it easier to read their cues, including whether they want a cuddle or would prefer some space.
While older children may ask for cuddles less often, they still benefit deeply from your warmth and attention. Engaging with them through shared activities, conversations, or even simple eye contact helps build trust and emotional security.
With teenagers, connection often takes more effort but is just as vital. They might pull away physically, but they still need your support and understanding. Try finding activities they enjoy, like sports, music, or hobbies, and use those moments to engage, listen, and be present. Small gestures, like a reassuring touch on the shoulder or sitting nearby during homework, can communicate your care without overwhelming them.
Tips for connecting with older children and teens:
- Respect their need for independence while staying available.
- Use open-ended questions to encourage sharing.
- Share parts of your own day or feelings to model openness.
- Create regular family routines (mealtimes, walks, game nights).
- Encourage non-verbal connection through shared experiences (music, art, or simply sitting quietly together reading, watching TV or a film).
Remember, connection evolves as your child grows, but it continues to support their emotional wellbeing and brain development.
Cuddle/Engage daily checklist
Taking time each day to connect with your child through cuddles, praise, and gentle attention helps build their emotional security and supports healthy brain development. These small moments show your child they are loved, understood, and safe.
Have you:
- Cuddled your child throughout the day, or offered a comforting touch when appropriate?
- Praised or encouraged them for their efforts and achievements?
- Paused what you were doing when your child wanted a cuddle?
- Respected and understood when your child needed space or didn’t want physical closeness?
- Used gentle touch to soothe or calm your child?
- Been physically near your child, simply sharing their space to offer quiet support without needing to touch?
- Taken time to listen actively to your older child or teen without interrupting?
If you missed some of these today, that’s okay, parenting isn’t about perfection. Every moment you connect counts, and tomorrow is another opportunity to try.
Find out about the other parts of the Five to Thrive approach
Respond
Respond is about noticing your child’s needs and meeting them with care and understanding. It’s the foundation of the Five to Thrive approach.
Relax
Learning how to handle stressful situations that cause big emotions is a vital life skill.
Play
Being playful helps you bond with your child as you have fun together, and it can help them develop social skills.
Talk
Communicating with your child helps build their language, knowledge and social awareness.
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding supports your baby’s health, development, and emotional wellbeing, and helps you build a strong bond. But we know it’s not always straightforward. We’ve got some advice to help you on your journey.
Helping your children and teenagers learn to care for their teeth
From toddlerhood through the teenage years, children go through big changes and that includes how they eat, drink, and care for their teeth. We’ve got advice on how to give them the best start for a lifetime of healthy smiles.
Protecting your child from accidents
We know it’s not nice to think about, but accidents in the home happen and can be devasting when they do. By taking simple steps, you can reduce risks and create a safer environment for your child.
All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in December 2025. We will next review the page in 2028. This page was co-produced in partnership with KCA.
