Five to Thrive: Respond

When you listen and respond to your baby’s signals, like crying, facial expressions, or body movements, you help them begin to understand that the world is a safe place and that you can be trusted. 

If your baby is crying, ask yourself: 

• Are they hungry? (See our breastfeeding and bottle-feeding pages for more support)
• Do they need a nappy change? 
• Do they need to be held or comforted? 
• Are they feeling scared or overwhelmed? 

Every time you meet your baby’s needs, your body and theirs release feel-good hormones like oxytocin. This strengthens your bond and helps your baby feel calm and secure. 

When you respond in similar, consistent ways, your baby’s brain begins to form strong, reliable connections. These pathways allow information to travel quickly between different parts of the brain, laying the foundation for future learning, emotional development, and trust. 

Toddlers often express strong emotions through physical behaviour, like throwing things when they’re excited, frustrated, or angry. This is their way of communicating before they have the words to explain how they feel. Instead of thinking “Why are they doing this?”, try asking, “What are they trying to tell me?” 

These behaviours are often labelled as tantrums, attention-seeking, or the ‘terrible twos.’ But it can help to reframe them as distress signals, a sign your child is overwhelmed, not misbehaving. 

When you see the behaviour this way, you’re more likely to respond with kindness, comfort, and curiosity. 

Help your toddler feel safe with boundaries 

Toddlers need clear and consistent boundaries. Knowing what to expect helps them feel safe and secure, this safety gives them the confidence to explore and learn within those limits.  

How to react to a ‘toddler tantrum’ 

We know it can be incredibly hard but try to respond in a calm and compassionate way when your toddler is upset or acting out. Remember they’re feeling things they can’t express and are struggling with how to communicate.  

If you can stay calm it helps to reduce stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in both of you, making it easier to settle the situation. 

Our brains function best when we receive loving attention and responsive care. Being ignored, especially during moments of distress, can unsettle a child’s nervous system, leaving them feeling anxious, angry, or disconnected. 

You may feel that if you ignore the behaviour, they’re likely to stop sooner but when no response comes, a child’s brain may switch into ‘shut down’ mode to protect itself. This can look like withdrawal or emotional numbness. But when you offer warm, focused attention, your toddler’s nervous system settles, helping them feel safe, seen, and understood. 

If a child is upset and acting out try to stay calm, let them know you understand that they’re upset and you’re there for them. You can try the ‘connect before you correct’ approach later down the page. 

Give your child your full attention 

It’s incredibly hard when you’re trying to balance work, jobs round the house, and other children but try and carve out some time each day to give your toddler your full attention. When your child has all your focus, their whole brain is working. But when you are watching TV, using your phone or working through your household tasks your child misses out on that connection.  

Your child will know how you are responding to them by: 

• Watching your expression. 
• Noticing your body language. 
• Listening to the tone of your voice. 

These cues tell them whether they’re safe, loved, and being heard. 

As children grow, they begin to work things out for themselves. Giving them space to try and then waiting to see if they need your help can be a helpful first step. Being responsive at this stage means holding your child in mind, noticing how they feel and understanding what they might need from you. 

When you respond in a calm, kind, and loving way, your child continues to learn from your example. This takes: 

• Time. 
• Patience. 
• Connection. 

Reframing behaviour as distress 

Just as with younger children, it can be useful to think of challenging behaviour not as ‘naughty’ but as ‘distress’. This shift in perspective helps create an opportunity for learning and connection, rather than conflict.