Self-harm in children and young people: what parents need to know

If your child needs help right now  

If they are seriously hurt or in immediate danger, call 999.  

If you need urgent help for their mental health but it is not an emergency, call 111.  

If you are ever concerned about a physical injury, please seek medical care promptly. Cuts, burns or wounds may need cleaning, stitches, or treatment to prevent infection.   

We know it’s hard but try not to panic if your child is self-harming. How you respond now can make a big difference in whether your child feels they can open up in the future.  

It often helps to remember that self‑harm is usually a way for young people to cope with difficult feelings, memories, or situations. With understanding, compassion, and the right support, recovery is possible.  

Below, our experts, explain what self‑harm is, the warning signs parents and carers should look out for, how you can support a young person, and where to find professional help. 

What is self-harm? 

Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves on purpose as a way of expressing or relieving distress, overwhelming emotions, or fear. It’s not always about wanting to end one’s life, though sometimes people who self‑harm may also have suicidal thoughts - both should be taken seriously. 

Some common forms of self-harm include:  

• Cutting themselves. 

• Burning their skin.  

• Scratching or biting themselves. 

• Hitting themselves or walls. 

But self-harm isn’t always visible. It can also include taking part in risky or harmful behaviours, such as:  

• Using drugs or alcohol to cope with problems. 

• Unsafe sexual behaviour. 

• Disordered eating, such as under- or over-eating. 

• Excessive exercising. 

Signs of self-harm in children and young people 

It can be hard to see self‑harm, especially since many people try to hide it. If you’re concerned, here are common signs to watch for: 

• Unexplained cuts, bites, burns, bruises, bald patches. 

• Always keeping themselves fully covered, for example, wearing long sleeves or trousers even during hot weather or avoiding activities such as swimming.  

• Signs of depression, anxiety or mood swings.   

• Withdrawing from friends or family.  

• Expressing low self-esteem, for example, saying they’re not good enough. 

Why do children and young people self-harm? 

Everyone is different, but many self‑harm because they need a way to deal with overwhelming emotions. Some reasons include trying to: 

• Manage, reduce, or express strong or upsetting emotions. 

• Relieve tension or panic.  

• Experience physical pain to distract from emotional pain. 

• Make invisible thoughts and feelings visible.  

• Gain a sense of control when things feel uncontrollable. 

• Distract from feelings of numbness or stress. 

• Punish themselves for their feelings or experiences, or in response to feeling guilt or shame.  

After self-harming, some young people may feel relief in the moment. But this feeling is only temporary. What follows might be guilt, shame, or renewed emotional pain so self‑harm can become a cycle that’s hard to break without support. 

Self-harm may be a way to express or cope when something stressful or upsetting is going on in a young person’s life. 

Possible triggers or contributing factors can include: 

• Being bullied. 

• Struggling with anxiety, depression, or stress. 

• Confusion about their sexuality or gender.  

• Low self-esteem or body image issues. 

• Loneliness.  

• Grief after a bereavement or loss.  

• Pressure at school or work.  

• Family or relationship problems. 

• Physical, emotional or sexual abuse.  

Experiencing any of those doesn’t mean your child will self‑harm, and someone can self‑harm without having experienced them. It’s very individual and varies from person to person.    

How to support a child or young person who self-harms 

There are steps you can take to support a child who self-harms. For example, you can:   

1. Open the conversation and offer a safe listening space. Let them know they can talk to you any time, with no pressure or judgement, for as long as they need. Sometimes just saying, “I’m here, whenever you’re ready” can help. 

2. Stay calm and show empathy. Focus on their feelings, not just the self‑harm itself. Understandably you might have lots of questions but remember that your child is going through a tough time, so focus on supporting them emotionally. Try not to react with anger or panic. Even when it’s hard, being calm will help them feel safer to share more.  

3. Ask how they'd like to be supported. Everyone is different. They might want you to listen, to help them find professional support, or to explore coping strategies together. It might be tempting to try to ‘fix’ the situation straightaway, but it may take time.  

4. Help identify triggers and urges. Talk together about what comes before the urge. What are they thinking about and how do they feel in their body? Do they feel stressed and panicky, or do they feel numb and zoned out? Encourage them to notice patterns. This awareness helps them understand what feelings they're trying to cope with.  

5. Explore healthy coping methods. With time and support, your child will start to understand how they feel when they self-harm and why these urges arise. Then they can learn healthier ways to cope. But sometimes, when the urge to self-harm builds up in the moment, it can be strong and persuasive. So, it’s helpful to have a list of things they can do straight away to distract themselves from their intense feelings. Not all of these will work for your child – and that’s okay. So, talk to your child about different strategies they could try but give them space to find what works for them.   

Some strategies might include:  

• Deep breathing or grounding exercises. 

• Wrapping themself in a blanket or using a weighted object. 

• Going for a walk or being in nature. 

• Listening to music or soothing sounds. 

• Dancing or other physical movement. 

• Hitting a cushion. 

• Clenching and relaxing all their muscles. 

• Holding ice cubes. 

• Writing down upsetting thoughts or feelings on a piece of paper and tearing it up. 

• Doing something creative like writing or drawing to express how they’re feeling. 

• Doing a favourite hobby or watching something comforting.

Take care of yourself  

Supporting someone who is self-harming can be tough. Make sure you have someone to talk to, a friend, family member, or professional. Keeping yourself well means you’ll be in a better place to support them. 

When to seek medical or professional help 

• If your child is seriously hurt or in immediate danger, call 999. 

• If you need urgent help for their mental health but it is not an emergency, call 111. 

If you are ever concerned about a physical injury, please seek medical care promptly. Cuts, burns or wounds may need cleaning, stitches, or treatment to prevent infection. 

As a safety precaution, it’s worth making sure your child understands first aid and what to do in an emergency if they self-harm. 

Reassure your child they aren’t a burden, and that they shouldn’t be embarrassed or afraid to go to a doctor or hospital. Healthcare professionals are there to help them, and should treat them with compassion, dignity, and respect.   

Self-harm is often a coping mechanism to help someone manage difficult emotions. It isn’t always an expression of suicidal feelings or an attempt to take their own life. However, people who experience suicidal thoughts are more likely to have self-harmed in the past. For this reason, self-harm should always be taken seriously. If you're worried your child is struggling with self-harm, it’s important to get treatment as soon as possible to help them better cope with these distressing or overwhelming feelings.   

You and your child do not have to face this alone.  

• Speak to your doctor:  They can offer a compassionate space to talk, assess any physical injuries, and refer to specialist services. 

• If you’d like to give some resources to a child or young person you’re concerned about, we’ve got advice and support about self-harm written for young people. 

• The NHS website Health for Teens also has information aimed at young people. 

• Childline has information about self-harm written in English and Welsh.

• Charity Shout have a free and confidential text support service for people struggling to cope. You can text SHOUT to 85258 to start an anonymous, free conversation with a trained volunteer. 

• The NHS have information on where to get help for self-harm.

• NHS services that support children and young people with their mental health are CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Services), Children and Young People’s Mental Health Services (CYPMHS), or in Wales they can be called Specialist Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (SCAMHS) 

• The charity PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide has created guidance to help parents cope with a young person who is struggling with thoughts of suicide.

• Young Minds are a charity who help young people with their mental health. They’ve got a parent helpline. There are also other useful resources for you and the child or young person you care for, on the Young Minds website. 

All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in December 2025. We will next review the page in 2028.