People have different opinions, emotions, and ways of handling stress, so it's natural for conflicts to arise from time to time. What matters most is how these conflicts are managed.
When handled respectfully and calmly, disagreements can help families grow stronger by improving communication and understanding. Conflict doesn’t mean parents don’t care or aren’t doing a good job, it just means they’re human. However, when conflict is frequent, intense, or poorly managed, it can have a negative impact on children’s wellbeing.
This page is here to help you understand what parental conflict is, what causes it, and how to reduce it in your family.
Parental conflict is not the same as domestic abuse. No one should ever make you feel frightened or unsafe. If you're in immediate danger, call 999.
The Government have advice on how to get help if you, or someone you know, is a victim of domestic abuse. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is confidential, free and available 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
What is parental conflict?
Parental conflict is when parents or caregivers disagree or argue with each other. This can happen about everyday things like chores, money, parenting decisions, or how to spend time together. It’s a normal part of relationships - everyone has different opinions and feelings, and sometimes those clash.
But harmful parental conflict refers to repeated, unresolved, or aggressive disagreements between parents or caregivers.
Harmful conflict might include:
- Shouting or aggressive arguments.
- Not speaking to each other regularly or for long periods.
- Disrespectful or critical language.
- Letting issues linger rather than sorting things out.
What matters most is how conflict is expressed, how often it happens, and how it’s managed. Children learn from the adults around them, so if we can remain calm and respectful whilst addressing disagreements, it can show them how to manage conflict as they grow.
Potential causes of parental conflict
There are many reasons why conflict can happen in relationships, especially during times of change, stress, or uncertainty. If you’re going through a tough time because of health issues, financial worries or housing issues it’s hard not to let this stress affect your relationship. Differences in parental styles, conflict between siblings or the arrival of a new baby can also create challenges.
It’s incredibly hard when you’re struggling but try to work together as a team. Children learn how to manage conflict by watching how adults do it. Think about what you could do to show your children how to manage disagreements positively.
Samantha Murray
Barnardo’s Strategic Lead for Health Visiting RN, RM, SCPHN HV
Impact of parental conflict on children
Children thrive when their home feels calm, secure, and emotionally safe. But when conflict between adults becomes frequent or hostile, it can affect them in many ways. According to research by the Early Intervention Foundation (EIF) on parental conflict, it can have a negative impact on:
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Self-esteem and confidence.
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Mental and physical health.
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Behaviour.
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Academic achievements.
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Relationships with siblings, peers and future romantic relationships.
Research also suggests long-term parental conflict may also affect how we parent our children. There can be a ‘spillover’ of emotion, with parents or carers in distressed relationships sometimes being more hostile and aggressive towards their children as well as less sensitive and emotionally responsive to their children’s needs as they try to cope with their situation (EIF, 2020).
If you're concerned that conflict in your relationship might be having a negative impact on your family, there are things you can do. It’s never too late to make positive changes.
How to reduce parental conflict
No relationship is perfect, there will always be conflict, but there are practical things you can do to reduce it.
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Spend quality time together: It’s hard balancing everything you need to do when you have a family but try and make time for each other. Watch a show, share a meal, or go for a walk, even small moments help.
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Pick the right moment: Don’t tackle difficult conversations during the school run or when emotions are running high. It’s better to wait for a calm, quiet moment when everyone has the space to listen and respond thoughtfully. Choosing the right time helps keep the conversation respectful and increases the chances of finding a solution that works for everyone.
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Avoid blame or criticism: Focus on how you feel and what you need, not just what went wrong.
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Share and listen: Let the other person speak without interrupting and really hear what they’re saying. Give them time to respond to what’s been said and take time for your own responses.
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Be open to compromise: Find middle ground when you can.
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Celebrate shared successes: Remind each other of the things you agree on and what’s going well.
Disagreements are part of every relationship it’s how we handle them that matters. By being open, respectful, and willing to change, you can help create a home where everyone feels heard, safe, and valued.
And remember you don’t have to face things alone. There’s help and support available.
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In some places we run parenting courses which may be of interest to you. To find your nearest one, enter your postcode into our services finder and filter by ‘parenting programmes’.
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Relate has advice about building and sustaining positive relationships and offers relationship counselling.
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See it Differently has compiled clips showing different family conflict scenarios and how they can be handled more effectively.
Children affected by domestic abuse
Domestic abuse can have a devastating impact on entire families. If you think a child is being affected by domestic abuse there are steps you can take to help them feel safe and supported, and services that can guide you through what to do next.
From toddlers to teens: how you can encourage a good night’s sleep
Getting enough sleep is essential for your child’s health, mood, and development whether they’re a toddler or a teenager. While every child is different, there are things you can do to help your child (and you!) sleep more peacefully.
Stopping siblings squabbling
Even when children love and get along with their brother or sister, you can expect some conflict. Read advice to help you guide your children through the ups and downs of sibling relationships.
All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in December 2025. We will next review the page in 2028.