Domestic abuse can have a devastating impact on entire families. Even if a child or young person isn’t being physically harmed themselves, being in a home where domestic abuse is happening is still child abuse.
There are practical steps you can take to help your child feel safe and supported, and services that can guide you through what to do next.
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is any incident of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse, between people in a domestic setting (like those in a marriage or those who are living together).
Domestic abuse can take many forms, and not all experiences will look the same. It can happen:
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In any type of relationship, regardless of gender or sexuality, and can continue even if that relationship has ended.
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Inside and outside of the home.
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On the internet, over the phone, and on social media sites.
Most cases of domestic abuse are between partners or ex-partners; however, it can also happen between family members who aren’t necessarily in a relationship.
Domestic abuse is a crime, and never the fault of those who are experiencing it.
What can domestic abuse look like?
Domestic abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, or psychological, including:
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Controlling or coercive behaviour, such as stopping someone from going out alone or controlling access to someone’s phone.
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Manipulation and emotional abuse.
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Physical violence, such as hitting, kicking, or punching.
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Online or digital abuse.
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Controlling someone’s finances, like withholding someone’s money.
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Harassment and stalking.
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Rape and sexual violence.
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Threatening to harm or kill someone.
How are children affected by domestic abuse?
Children who grow up witnessing domestic abuse are at risk of both short and long-term physical and mental health problems. Every child will be affected differently by their experiences, but there are patterns of behaviour that you should look out for if you’re worried about a child who might be dealing with domestic violence.
Short-term effects of domestic abuse
For young children, short-term effects of domestic abuse can include:
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Bed-wetting.
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Increased sensitivity and crying.
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Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep.
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Separation anxiety.
For school aged children, they might experience:
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A loss of drive to participate in activities and school.
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Lower grades in school.
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Feeling guilty and to blame for the abuse happening to them.
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Getting into trouble more often.
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Physical signs such as headaches and stomach aches.
For teenagers, they might experience:
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Acting out in negative ways such as missing school or fighting with family members.
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Having low self-esteem.
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Finding it difficult to make friends.
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Engaging in risky behaviours such as using alcohol and other drugs.
Long-term effects of domestic abuse
For both younger and older children, the long-term effects of domestic abuse can include:
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Mental health problems, including anxiety and depression. Low mental health can also lead to big impacts on physical health, including self-harm or developing an eating disorder.
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Having a lowered sense of self-worth.
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Using alcohol and other drugs as unhealthy coping mechanisms.
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Repeating behaviours seen in their domestic setting.
Signs that a child might be experiencing domestic abuse at home
It can be difficult to know if domestic abuse is happening, as it’s often hidden from others. Every child responds differently. Recognising signs early can help you get the right support for the child and their family.
It’s important to remember that even if a child isn’t directly harmed, witnessing abuse can still have a serious impact on their mental and emotional health.
In England and Wales since the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, children that have been exposed to domestic abuse are now recognised as victims of domestic abuse in their own right, rather than just witnesses. In Scotland and Northern Ireland domestic abuse is considered more serious if are children are present, and they see or hear the abuse.
Signs that a child has witnessed domestic abuse
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Withdrawn or detached behaviour.
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Ambivalent feelings towards both the abuser and the non-abusing parent.
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Constant or frequent sickness.
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Frustration or aggression.
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Bullying peers.
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Problems in school or with learning.
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Anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts.
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Drug or alcohol use.
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Easily startled or seem on edge.
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Fear of leaving the home.
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Bed-wetting or increased soiling.
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Nightmares or insomnia.
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Withdrawal or struggles with separation.
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Difficulty identifying feelings or communicating needs.
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Difficulty developing positive peer relationships.
What should I do if I notice signs of domestic abuse or I’m worried about a child?
If you’re concerned that a child may be at immediate risk of domestic abuse, always call 999 as soon as you can.
If you’re worried that a young person may be at risk but not in immediate danger, there are services you can contact for advice and support.
It’s normal to feel unsure about speaking up, especially if you don’t have all the details, but if you’re concerned, it’s always best to share what you know. The information you provide could help professionals understand what might be happening and make sure the right help and protection are put in place.
There’s information below on how to report domestic abuse and organisations you can go to for further support.
What to do if a child reveals abuse
If a child opens up to you about domestic abuse that might be going on for them, you should do your best to:
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Provide a safe space for the young person to share as much as they’re comfortable with. It’s already a huge step for them to be talking to you about what’s going on, so listen and don’t pressure them for details.
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Don’t promise to keep things a secret, otherwise you may end up breaking their trust. Let them know you need to speak to other adults to get them the help they need.
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Let them know they’ve done the right thing telling you.
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Tell them it's not their fault.
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Listen to them and understand their needs.
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Don’t confront the alleged abuser.
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Explain what you’ll do next.
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Report what you’ve been told immediately.
Reporting abuse
If you think someone is being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999. You can also report domestic abuse by calling 101, or report to the police online.
If you think a child is being abused, or witnessing abuse contact the social care team at their local council.
The NSPCC have child protection specialists who can provide guidance and support and take any necessary action. You can contact them by calling 0808 800 5000 (10:00 – 4:00 Monday to Friday) or emailing [email protected]. Support is available in English and Welsh.
Where you can get support
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Refuge supports women and children and is the largest domestic abuse organisation in the UK. You can message their Domestic Abuse helpline online or call them for free on 0808 2000 247. You’ll find information on their website about how to support someone who is experiencing abuse.
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Live Fear Free provides help and advice about violence against women, domestic abuse and sexual violence for people living in Wales. Support is available in Welsh and English. Contact Live Fear Free online, call their freephone 0808 8010 800, or text 07860 077 333.
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Respect is a domestic abuse charity that delivers support to male victims. They run the Men’s Advice Line, a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for men who are experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse, and for those supporting them.
How do Barnardo’s support children affected by domestic abuse?
We believe that the best way to support children is to help them together with their families. That’s why we provide counselling for children and young people to help address the long-term effects of domestic abuse.
Our family support services also help parents look after their children with more confidence, which helps them to protect themselves and their children from abuse.
You helped me understand what domestic abuse is, that it’s not my fault and what I can do when I’m feeling sad or anxious.
Young person, aged 13
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All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in December 2025. We will next review the page in 2028.