Encouraging positive behaviour from toddlers to teens

Toddlers are learning how to understand and express big emotions, often without the words to explain them. It can be helpful - but not always easy!  - to think about what they are trying to tell you rather then see the way they’re behaving as ‘being naughty’.  

Before you respond to challenging behaviour, it can help to pause and consider a few simple questions. Is your child tired, hungry, or overstimulated? Are your expectations realistic for their age and stage of development? And just as importantly, how are you feeling in that moment? When we take a moment to reflect, we can respond with more patience and understanding, even when emotions are running high. 

Positive parenting focus: 

• Understand that tantrums are normal and developmentally appropriate. 
• Support your toddler’s need for structure and safety through routines. 
• Offer calm responses, even when they’re overwhelmed. Your calm helps them calm down. 
• Name and validate their feelings: “You’re sad because playtime ended. I understand.” 

Try this: 

• Give simple, manageable choices: “Do you want the red cup or the blue one?”  
• Avoid reacting in the heat of the moment, count to 10 if you need space. 
• Don’t expect them to listen to reasoning mid-tantrum. Wait, let them calm down, show you understand how they feel, then explain.  For example, if your toddler throws a tantrum because it’s time to end a playdate, don’t try to reason right away. Wait calmly until they’ve calmed down, then say, “I know you were having fun and don’t want to stop, and you’re sad to say goodbye to your friend. It’s ok to be sad when fun ends and you miss someone. We’ll get together and play with them another day.” 
• Let them know your love is constant, even when their behaviour is tricky. 

As children grow, they start to understand rules, emotions, and social expectations but they still need guidance, reassurance, and emotional coaching. 

Positive parenting focus: 

• Help your child name their feelings and understand how they affect behaviour. For example, if your child shouts after being told screen time is over, you might say:  "It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated because you wanted to keep watching. I get that, it’s hard to stop something fun. But shouting doesn’t help. Let’s take a breath and talk about it." 
• Use empathy to build trust: “I can see you’re upset, can we talk about it together?” 
• Praise effort, not perfection: “I saw you trying to share, that was kind.” 

Try this: 

• Stay calm and model the behaviour you want to see. 
• Create simple family rules together so they feel involved. 
• Use reward systems that celebrate progress, like sticker charts or jars they fill with pom poms or pasta. 
• Talk after tricky moments: “Next time, what could we do differently?” 

In these years, your child is growing fast physically, emotionally and socially. They want more independence, but they still need strong parental support and clear boundaries. 

Positive parenting focus: 

• Keep communication open, listen more than you talk. 
• Explain calmly and sensitively why, for example, bedtimes and limited screen time is important for their healthy development and involve them in decision-making. Children are more likely to follow routines and boundaries that they help create. 
• Help your child to name how they are feeling. For example, if your child is arguing or pushing back about homework, you might say:  "It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated or overwhelmed with your homework right now. That’s totally normal. Let’s figure out what’s making it hard and see how I can help." 
• Let them know it’s okay to make mistakes and that your love doesn’t depend on perfection. If they make a mistake, or bad choice let them know that it is the action that you are unhappy with, not them. Often at this age children can be very hard on themselves when they make a mistake. 
• Be their safe space, even when they push away. 

Try this: 

• Set realistic expectations that match their developmental stage. 
• Acknowledge their strengths and struggles. 
• Reflect on your own reactions, are you calm, consistent, and clear? 
• Spend one-on-one time regularly, even 15 minutes a day builds connection. 

The teenage years bring rapid growth, shifting emotions, and a strong pull toward independence. This stage can be both exciting and challenging for families. Teenagers are forming their identities, exploring boundaries, and developing their own views of the world, but they still need your presence, guidance, and support more than ever. 

Positive parenting focus: 

• Stay connected by showing interest in your teen’s life, even when they seem to push you away. 
• Keep communication open, honest, and respectful, listen without rushing to judge or fix. 
• Set clear boundaries around things like screen time, curfews, and responsibilities, but be willing to discuss and adapt. 
• Validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. 

Try this: 

• Respect their growing need for independence while continuing to provide structure and support. 
• Choose your battles. Focus on what really matters for their safety and wellbeing. 
• Be available. Often teens want to talk when it’s least convenient. Try to be open when they come to you. 
• Remind them you’re proud of who they’re becoming, not just what they achieve. 
• Model how to manage conflict, take responsibility, and talk about feelings calmly and openly. 

Teenagers may not always show it, but your opinion and approval still matter to them. Your calm, consistent presence helps them feel secure as they navigate the pressures of friendships, school, social media, and identity.