Safa’s experience as a young carer
Ten-year-old Safa helps her mum and dad care for her three siblings, who are all on the autistic spectrum. She provides vital emotional support to her mum, Shila - and instinctively knows how to keep her two brothers and sister calm and entertained. Many of her responsibilities are similar to those of other young carers - getting uniforms ready for school, helping prepare meals, cleaning up around the house - but Safa and her family also face additional challenges, including stigma within many BAME communities around mental illness, special needs and disability issues.
This is Safa's story - as told by her mum, Shila.
"When my eldest son was diagnosed with autism there was denial from all my family members. No one wanted to accept he had a disability. I learnt very early on that I needed to embrace it and learn as much as I could about autism to make his life better. At first, I was scared to get in touch with social services. It’s the connotations you grow up with and that are often reinforced by the media – if social services get to know you, it will lead to trouble for your family. But I eventually came round to thinking that I had to do this for my children. So I self-referred and was later referred to the Barnardo’s young carers’ service too.
“Today I like to educate people about autism. I unpick my kids’ behaviours and translate for my family. It can be hard as most of my family want to understand the reason why my kids are who they are. There are lots of misconceptions in my community about disability. There’s one school of thought that autism is like a possession which comes from a place of fear, seeing children have fits or tantrums. Another common thread in my community is that you must have done something bad in life, that’s why your children are disabled.
“I know of women in my community with children with disabilities won’t talk about or acknowledge it because it would mean asking for help. They’re frightened of authority and if they do get help, are scared to raise questions. Most of the time they don’t understand and are reluctant to accept that their family is different because they are ashamed. If we don’t talk about what we’re experiencing, how can we understand and get the best for our children? I think it’s important that we break down cultural barriers to ensure that the children get the support and understanding they need. The Islamic view point is that you cherish and nourish the child that you have been given and that a girl is a blessing.
“I do think things are gradually improving and changing. I’m second generation so things are progressing, and our children will have different ideas too. In our house we accept autism as being the norm. With Safa’s help, I’m juggling the needs of three kids with autism who are all so different. We have become a strong family unit, dedicated to all our children.
“Safa is a very special little girl and I am so lucky to have her. She is patient, kind, attentive and bright. I couldn’t do it without her. I do know that if it wasn’t for Safa, things would be so much harder for us.”
I like being a young carer and helping my family. It can be difficult sometimes because I get a lot of homework on top of caring for my sister and brothers. I don’t do play dates after school but my cousins come round and I get to play with them. My mum says I’m a little star but I just help out around the house and make sure my brothers and sister and ok. When I grow up I’d like to be an artist, a scientist, author or a YouTuber.
Safa
Young person
Last year, we worked with more than 4,000 young carers - like Safa - and their families. For more information on the unique challenges of being a young carer from a Black, Asian, or Minority Ethnic community, read our new Caring Alone report.
No child should miss out on their childhood.