Julie is a foster carer for siblings, and writes about her experiences.
I used to be a registered manager for an independent fostering agency and a senior social worker but gave it up to become a Barnardo’s foster carer.
I am now a proud foster carer to two fantastic brothers who have experienced a lot of trauma and challenges in their lives.
As a social worker I have been around children in the care system for many years. I was also in the care system as a child myself and fostering has been my opportunity to give back. I knew there would always be a point when I would give my time to fostering. I favoured fostering through Barnardo’s because of their ethos as a charity.
In my career I have gained a very real awareness about the many vulnerable children who need a home. I knew I didn’t want an easy ride and was keen to foster siblings who I know are harder to place and more likely to have experienced multiple placements.
Many children aren’t so lucky, foster carers often don’t have the space or desire or finances to take on more than one child at a time. However, I was clear that I wanted to foster siblings and not just for the short term where they come into my home and leave. I wanted to do a long-term placement and raise them.
I have two grown up children of my own and they know all about my experience of being ‘in care’ as a child and how one day it would be something that I too would be doing, and they are fully supportive of that.
The process to becoming a foster carer is thorough and could even be described as intrusive but it really does need to be, as it is about looking after vulnerable children who have been through so much already. They explain to you why things need to be done, and you also undertake pre-approval training.
My foster placement came a few months after I was approved and was two brothers aged under 10, born 10 months apart. When they first came to me, they were very traumatised. They'd had a few short-term placements and were desperate for stability. They always believed they would be moved on which was heart-breaking. They were not only traumatised by their history but by the care system itself. They were challenging children and displayed lots of difficult behaviours including self-harm, biting, and hitting and nightmares. They were also clumsy and very delayed in their development.
At first, the placement was focussed on working on our relationship and slowly building and earning their trust. Improvement was slow and the elder boy’s speech was so poor that you couldn’t really understand what he was saying.
I also have a good network of family and friends. As time progressed, I knew they were never going to thrive in a mainstream school and so they are now in a specialist school receiving lots of support. They are thriving and the eldest boy’s speech has really come on. They are now able to go to bed without having nightmares and are getting a good night’s sleep. They also eat well and have a varied diet and have developed hobbies and interests outside of school. They also have friends and enjoy socialising with other children.
They are really good at swimming as we go away in the caravan a lot and have had lots of practice. This is an area where they have really shone, and it has been great for their self-esteem and confidence.
They take more pride in themselves and have a positive outlook and their social skills are much improved. They have also chosen to call me “mum” which is lovely.
If people are considering fostering; I would wholeheartedly say to give it a go. You just need to not expect too much too soon. Looking back now we have come such a long way, but we still have a long way to go. However, we have a great Barnardo’s team around us, and I have good family and friends and I know that we will get there.