“It changes your life, but it changes your life for the better”: Phil and Andy’s experience

Families come in all shapes and sizes, but Phil and Andy chose to adopt. “We did talk about surrogacy, but actually we didn’t look into it much as the biology doesn’t matter to us,” Phil says. “I think we both understood that children with stability and routine can form attachments and that was what was more important.” 

In 2019, the couple reached out to us to find out more about adoption. “From walking through the door and seeing a social worker on our first meeting with Barnardo’s, it was very relaxed and really informative,” Andy explains. “They told us everything we needed to know at that point and then things just progressed from there. We still keep in touch, and we are always made to feel welcomed every time we visit.” 

Support along the adoption journey 

Once they got started on their adoption journey with us, Phil and Andy joined a group of other adopters for training and together they created a support network. “You can sometimes feel a little bit isolated during the process but then when you start doing the training and meeting other people, you find out that everyone has different circumstances and motivations for wanting to adopt which is really good to hear about,” Andy says. 

“The training was important to get us to think more about our journey and what challenges children in care face and how you approach them. We were the only same-sex couple in the group, but we still were made to feel welcome with everybody,” Phil continues. 

At the start, Phil and Andy hadn’t considered adopting siblings but after finding out more about the benefits of keeping brothers and sisters together, they decided it was an option for them. “The bond siblings have is so important and there are a lot of siblings within the care system, so for us, it was important to keep them together because you can never replace what they share with each other,” Andy says.  

What it’s like raising adopted siblings 

Four years on, Phil, Andy and their two children are enjoying life as a family, knowing that they can count on our support if they ever need it. “Years after, we’ve reached out to our social worker to discuss some of our challenges, and we’ve gotten additional support,” Andy says. “Just having that constant connection and knowing that support is always there is great.” 

Thinking about their children’s personal development, Phil says, “What I get the most enjoyment from is seeing what they’re interested in. They do have similar interests, but now as they get older, they are finding different ones like horse riding and football so it’s nice to see their development as well as individuals.” 

When asked if they’d recommend adoption to other people looking to start families, Andy says, “I’m really in favour of adoption being the number one option for people to consider,” Phil says. “You just take a different perspective on life – the kids become your everything.” 

“Everyone has their own reasons for pursuing different family routes.” Andy continues. “For me, adoption has supported so many children who need forever families and I think particularly LGBT+ couples are in a prime position to hopefully support as many children as possible.” 

*Names have been changed and models used to protect the identities of the families we support.