Emma, 42, and her husband Derek, 51, have been short break foster carers for Barnardo’s for the past four years. The couple have two daughters, who are both in their 20s, and live in Tyne and Wear, and have written about their experiences for us.
Derek and I had spoken about potentially becoming foster carers when our children got older. Our youngest was 13/14 when we started talking about it in more detail. We felt the girls were old enough to be part of the decision making and also have an input.
Derek and I both worked full time, I had retrained as an adult nurse and Derek is an IT Delivery Manager. It was important to me that we both continued to work while fostering. We felt strongly we wanted to show a child real life and that very often involves two parents working and juggling home life. We have a very strong work ethic and felt it was important to hold on to our values at the same time as supporting a child. We can be a busy family but we’re also very organised and have a very supportive family.
Working with Barnardo’s
We started looking at fostering providers online but kept coming back to Barnardo’s. So, in 2016 we made that first call and arranged for an initial visit. We were impressed with Barnardo’s from the word go. They were very honest and told us that the assessment can be a lengthy and that the process would bring up lots of feelings. The training we did was very thorough, and we learned lots. I would say the best part was meeting with other carers, their stories and experiences helped to fill in any gaps in knowledge. They were all open and very supportive.
After 11 months of training and assessments, we were approved by an independent Panel and then started their first short breaks fostering placement. They first welcomed eight-year-old Charlie* into their home for weekend breaks. Charlie was in full-time foster care.
Short-term placements
As soon as Charlie stepped into our home, he was treated like one of our own children. The girls were 15 and 17 at the time and we all felt a little nervous but also excited to welcome this little boy to stay with us on a short break. It was a bit of a funny feeling because you are very aware that you’re responsible for someone else’s child.
We were very careful not to overwhelm Charlie. I remember that he arrived without his pyjamas, so we took him out to buy some. At home, he quickly spotted the keyboard in our daughter’s room and started playing on it with her. I remember him looking up and saying, ‘I’m not very good at this but look, I’m not losing my temper!’ It was great to see him having a go and joining in, not being afraid to try something new.
Any nervousness we’d had was soon gone and it felt like Charlie had been with us for months. We really enjoyed the times Charlie came to stay. After a few months he moved into full time residential care. If I’m honest, it was quite hard for us to know that he wouldn’t be coming to stay anymore. That’s why you need a certain resilience for foster caring, but you hope that with each child you are making a positive difference to them.
Since caring for Charlie, we have supported three other children through short breaks foster caring, ranging from teenagers to a four-year-old boy.
The children just seem to fit in really quickly with our family and get on so well with the girls. All the children are different and have had different experiences, but with each one, we have been able to share some really lovely times.
Overcoming challenges
There are also challenges in providing short break care. One of the children who stayed with us was a teenager called Mia*. She was going through a lot, and I found her packing her bag one night to leave. We talked and we then got into the car and drove around for a while, just talking. She really opened up and then started to engage with my daughters. One of the most memorable moments was when we took her and her older brother out for a day, ice skating and trampolining, something they’d never experienced before. Mia enjoyed doing makeovers with our daughters, singing and dancing, making up concerts in the living room. It’s so rewarding seeing a young person develop and their confidence and grow. It makes me really proud of my own daughters, they’re so caring and supportive of all the children we’ve had to stay.
To anyone who is thinking about becoming a foster carer or doing short breaks fostering but hasn’t taken that first step yet, I’d say just think about what your biggest worry is. What’s stopping you from making that call. Then ring Barnardo’s and talk it through. They will support you, just know that. They are in your corner and will help you through. You will learn so much along the way. We have found the training and ongoing support that you get from Barnardo’s to be excellent. I would 100% recommend Barnardo’s.
*Names have been changed and models used to protect identities