How to talk to young people about peer pressure

That feeling of needing to ‘fit in’ can have a big impact on the choices young people make in their lives. That’s why we chatted with Sharon Young, Senior Practitioner in our Fife Substance Use Education Service, to share tips on how to speak to young people about peer pressure.

What is peer pressure? 

Peer pressure, or peer influence, is when someone experiences pressure to do something they wouldn’t normally do, or doesn’t want to do, because of other people’s influence or wanting to ‘fit in’. Peer pressure can be both a negative and positive thing.

For young people, negative peer pressure can sometimes result in doing things they might not have done before, such as:

• Missing school.

• Doing risky things or breaking rules.

• Trying vaping, smoking, or alcohol and other drugs.

• Changing the way they talk or the words they use.

• Being aggressive, both physically and verbally.

Peer pressure can also be a positive thing, for example someone might be influenced to try a new hobby, get more involved at school or learn to be more self-confident.

“It’s important to remember that peer influence is something that we're all experiencing, even as adults. We're all subject to being influenced by our peers, but I think during our [younger] years, our friends and peers often become a much bigger influence on the decisions we make and the things that we do,” Sharon says.

The pressure to ‘fit in’ can also come from the expectations we have of ourselves.

“Peer pressure and influence can sometimes feel tricky to identify, so talking to your young person can really help. It’s a good idea to help them start to think about:

• Am I doing this because I really want to, or am I doing it because I don’t want to be the only one of my friends not doing it?

• Is the pressure I’m feeling coming from my peers or myself?

• Are my friends respecting that my choices may be different to theirs?”

What age should you be talking to young people about peer pressure?

“I think [a good time to start talking to young people about peer pressure] is as children get closer to leaving primary school [and starting secondary school],” noted Sharon.

“[This transitionary period is] a natural time to have these conversations to help children get ready for starting in their new environment, and the new people they will meet.

“[It is also important to continue to] bring up these conversations into their teenage years as well. It could be the move from primary to secondary school, leaving secondary school, starting a new job, going to college or university, or beyond. These are times when we often develop new friendship groups and feel the need to fit in a bit more strongly.”

How to talk to young people about peer pressure

Read Sharon’s expert top tips below to help you have open conversations with the young people in your life about peer pressure.

1. Encourage an open and honest conversation

Giving young people space to have open and honest conversations is a great way to let them know you are there to listen to and support them. Think about how best to approach your child and engage them in a way that suits them. Perhaps that’s sitting down to talk face to face, or during a joint activity like cooking, taking a walk together, or even whilst in the car.

If your child is becoming interested in something that worries you, do your own research. Take some time to find out more about it so that you can keep an open mind towards their views and opinions, and not jump to conclusions.

“The first thing I would say to parents and carers [who are worried about their child being pressured into doing something] is don't panic. It's important not to jump to conclusions, because a lot of the things that could potentially be signs of peer pressure also can be signs of normal adolescent behaviour. Open up a conversation with your young person [and] remind them that you’re there to support them.”

2. Ask questions

“If you’re worried that a young person is being pressured into trying drugs, for example, it’s important not to just go straight to, ‘I think you’re using drugs’. You might want to start the conversation off with things you have noticed and that are making you concerned. This might be quite general things like a change in their mood or behaviour. Perhaps ask questions like:

“Let them know that you're there for them and that you're open to them talking to you about this at any time. “If they do open up, I think it's about continuing to have a calm, open conversation. Listen to them and see how you can best support them."

3. Practice saying no

It can be hard to avoid peer pressure completely, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to limit its impact and help young people to be more confident in themselves and their decision making.

Remind your young person that “a simple, confident ‘no’ can go a long way,” said Sharon.

“It should always be ok to say no to something you don’t want to do, but if it feels too difficult then you could think of an excuse [with your young person that they] could use like, ‘I need to be home soon’,” added Sharon.

Reassure your young person that you are there to talk to as a trusted adult if they do experience a situation where they are feeling pressured into doing something.

4. Build confidence and self-assurance

To help celebrate their individuality talk with them! Explore their hobbies and interests and get excited about parts of themselves they might have felt they had to hide. This can help them feel more confident in themselves and their choices.

Taking the time to talk about peer pressure can really help young people feel safe and secure in themselves when they experience influence from others. Feeling good and confident can look different to every young person, and their interests might not be the same as their peers. Let them know that’s okay and something to be celebrated.

Try to avoid assumptions about what they should or should not be doing and instead be interested in them. Support them to help figure out things they do and don’t like.

What could this look like in your life? When you have a family meal or are together, get curious. Ask them about their day, their new favourite song, tv shows, an influencer they like, the news, or one of their hobbies. Help them know how much you value their opinion and interests.