“I can’t thank Laura enough for her support and how she has helped me develop confidence in myself and my parenting”
As Mother’s Day approaches, a mum who experienced domestic abuse has thanked the Bangor woman who welcomed her and her newborn into her home as part of Barnardo’s fostering service.
Five years after meeting through the charity’s Parent and Child Foster Care scheme Andi* says that retired teacher Laura Henry, from Bangor, has been like a mother to her, helping her develop confidence in her abilities as a parent and to bond with her baby so that they could stay together.
After escaping an abusive relationship, Andi discovered she was pregnant. Feeling unable to cope with the demands of parenthood on her own, a domestic abuse charity told her about Parent and Child fostering, where carers provide a supportive, positive and supervised home environment for both parent and child.
Parent and child fostering aims to prevent children from coming into traditional foster care and allows families to remain together. Andi thought it could be the opportunity she needed to show she could protect her child and keep them in her care, so she asked Social Services about it.
She’s like a mother to me
Two days after baby Isla* was born in 2019, Barnardo’s Parent and Child Foster carer Laura visited Andi in hospital and the two women got on well. On leaving hospital Andi and Isla moved in with Laura and her husband Tom for three months and their strong bond with the couple has continued more than five years later.
Andi explained: “In the early days of Isla’s life Laura was like a mother to me and still is today! I can’t thank her and Tom enough for their support and the way that it has helped me develop confidence in myself and my parenting. My daughter would not be in my care if it was not for them.
“My own parents had abandoned me by the time I was nine and I was left to make the best of a bad situation without positive role models.
“Laura could see I was frustrated and confused but she got to know and understand me and helped me communicate better with social services and to have confidence and skills in my own abilities.
“Isla is now five and, thanks to Laura, I feel confident in myself as a parent, having learnt how to respond to her behaviour appropriately and I know that I can make decisions that are right for her.”
Teaching experience equipped me to help
Over the past decade Laura, 65, along with Tom, 71, a retired vice-principal, has supported seven women and their newborns through Parent and Child placements organised by Barnardo’s.
She said: “Through years of teaching I felt I had the experience to help people develop skills that sometimes they don’t know they have.
“While I love babies I’m primarily there to care for the mum and support her to do everything by herself. You get very close to them and build up a lot of trust and encourage them to ask for help when they need it. The reward is seeing the delight in them and watch them confidently make positive decisions for their baby.
“Often there is a lot of emotional support needed but I also support them practically to build up their knowledge in areas like paediatric first aid, weaning and cooking, and finance.
“Barnardo’s has offered amazing support in terms of training before the first placement as well as on an ongoing basis. We also benefited greatly from being part of a national group of parent and child foster carers who are happy to give advice and share experiences.”
Laura added: “I’m really pleased to be in regular contact with most of the mums who have stayed with us, providing advice if and when they need it. We love to see Andi and Isla and hear about how she is getting on now that she has started school!”
Laura is now retiring from providing foster placements to help look after her five grandchildren. She says she has found the specialist fostering experience exceptionally rewarding and would encourage others to look into how they might be able to help.
“Despite having had a long career in teaching that I absolutely loved, being a mother has given me the greatest fulfilment in life. It has been a real blessing to have been able to ensure that, where possible, others are given that opportunity too and for their babies to grow up in a home environment.
“I would wholeheartedly encourage others to consider becoming involved in fostering, especially in Parent and Child placements, which can really change both mothers’ and babies’ lives for the better.”
Unfortunately, there is an extreme shortage of foster carers coming forward to offer parent and child placements despite high demand across Northern Ireland as well as the rest of the UK.
Helen Browne, Head of Barnardo's Fostering and Adoption NI, said: “The number of children in care in NI is rising each year and now exceeds 4,000. Parent and child fostering aims to provide new parents with skills, knowledge and confidence to parent their own child.
“By offering this timely support, we can prevent unnecessary admissions to the care system for some babies, keeping families together.
“We are looking for caring adults with parenting experience who can support young parents who need us most to bond with their baby and keep families together.”
To find out more about parent and child fostering visit Parent and child fostering | Barnardo's or contact the Barnardo’s Fostering Team in Northern Ireland on [email protected]
*Names have been changed to protect identities