Michelle and Neil's story

Fostering is a family thing. My sister was a foster carer and she encouraged my parents to be respite carers. When my marriage broke down, I went to live with my parents with my two children. At the time, they were fostering a young girl whose placement had broken down. My children got on really well with her even though they were just seven and five at the time and she was 14. 

When I moved out into my own place, the young girl from my parent’s placement came to stay with us and that is when my fostering journey began. It was a really smooth transition as she already knew my children and was excited to live with them. She became part of the family and lived with us for two years. 

The next placement was a young boy from Afghanistan who was an unaccompanied asylum-seeking child. We were initially unsure whether we would be able to offer the support he needed, but Barnardo’s were on hand to offer help and advice. He ended up staying with us for five years. 

He could speak English, he was respectful and helpful, and we are still in touch with him now. I met my partner Neil during his fostering placement, and he loves doing this as much as I do. 

My parents are a big part of my network and our foster children also call them Nana and Pop, which helps them to feel like part of the family.

There have been challenges along the way. Some of the asylum-seeking children we have looked after have been very religious and we have had to learn and adapt our ways of doing things.

Halal for example, is something we were not familiar with before. It is a learning curve but you pick things up as you go along. We also went on a course with Barnardo’s about Afghan food, which was really helpful.  

We also looked after a did have one young person who had mental health problems triggered by loss of family members. He was suffering from PTSD, but Barnardo’s were hugely supportive and we hope we made a positive difference in the time he spent with us. 

We keep in touch with most of our foster children and, if the phone rings, we know they have good news to tell us or there is something wrong and they need our advice. 

Our own children were young when we started foster caring. As time goes, on the young people we foster have become closer in age to them.

We have always fostered from 14 years and upwards and we feel children of this age are a much better fit for our family.

Fostering can be hard work but it is hugely rewarding. You can see that potential in a child and while you can’t change a child, you can only hope to give them a better future.

I always say to them that I can’t change what has happened before and we are not there to replace their mum and dad. We are just here to support them now the best way that we can.

We treat them as we do our own children and expect challenges as much as you would with any other child. It is a rollercoaster ride but that is what having kids is.

We try and encourage their future and not focus too much on their past. We only talk about it when they want to and are ready to. 

We love fostering and encourage anyone considering it to find out more.