How fostering to adopt gave baby Charlie a secure, loving home

“We were stable as a couple and financially ok. We weren’t getting any younger and constantly talked about things we would do when we had a child,” says Zoe. 

They decided adoption was the right route for them but when they started their journey, they were only aware of the traditional route. “It wasn’t until we attended our first training course that we were made aware of Fostering to Adopt, and we recall both turning to look at each other with the realisation that it was possibly the right route for us.” 

They both wanted to adopt a baby or a toddler but became aware that this was unlikely to happen with traditional adoption. “Barnardo’s are very honest with you all the way through and tell you that not many babies come up for adoption and when they do there is fierce competition. Fostering to adopt would give us more of an opportunity to have a baby. We expressed our interest and were put on a two-day Early Permanence course. It was exciting, honest, and sometimes brutal, but we came out of it even more convinced that it would work for us.”  

The process of being approved was onerous but less difficult than the couple were expecting. “The home visits were actually really cathartic. We were both initially nervous about them as you hear all sorts of exaggerated stories, but they were relaxed”. Sadly part way through the process Zoe’s mum passed away and a three-month break was insisted on by our adoption team to allow them time to grieve. “Initially Zoe was very resistant to this and wanted to continue but actually Barnardo’s were right, and we did need that time,” says Cheryl.  

When things restarted, they were approved for fostering to adopt they began the search for a child to join their family. They were asked if they were interested in a fostering to adopt placement for an eight-month-old baby called Charlie*.  

“We went to meet him for one hour at his foster carers’ house. We had to get special permission to travel as we were in a COVID-19 lockdown. We went back for a longer meeting and took him to the park, with his foster carer lurking in the background. By this point we were smitten. He came to visit us for three hours the next day and moved in with us a day later!” 

When Charlie came to live with them, he was ten months old, and they were his fifth home. But there needed to be further legal discussions before they officially became his parents. “This period played with our emotions, we were really up and down. By this point we were totally in love with him and the thought of possibly having to give him back was awful. However, our early permanence training had taught us that during the fostering period we were his special carers and that if was returned to birth parents it was because it was the best thing for him.” However, the adoption was approved, and they became Charlie’s parents. 

Life with Charlie

Charlie is now an energetic four-year-old. “He is a really loving and cuddly little chap. He has a dazzling smile and big, beautiful eyes, he wins people over immediately. He loves lots of the things that four-year-olds love – cars, tractors, diggers, dinosaurs, being outside and riding his scooter. What he most loves though, is putting on shows! Dancing shows, singing shows, live drawing shows, pantomimes etc. He is quite a diva!”, says Zoe. 

“The experience has totally and utterly changed our lives – just like any parent, we guess? Everything changes. Our weekdays are full of organising nursery drop-offs and pick-ups, making dinner... that he will eat. He eats everything at nursery, but our cooking must be dreadful as he will only eat pasta and pizza at home! Weekends are filled with dance lessons, swimming lessons, visits to the park or seaside and spending time with family, who all love him to bits.” 

Charlie’s speech was initially delayed but it’s “now pretty good, and his confidence is developing all the time.” Zoe and Cheryl feel that his early life has resulted in some trauma, which they were prepared for by the training they received. “Don’t underestimate early trauma when they talk about it at training, it’s real and rears its head in surprising ways,” advises Cheryl. They’re working together with his nursery who’ve been putting things into place to support him and make sure he’s ready for school, which he’s due to start this year. 

“Our advice for someone considering Early Permanence would be to really talk about it first. It’s not the easy option but then the traditional route isn’t easy either. There can be pitfalls both ways. Then if you are sure, just go for it. If things don’t work out then you will have been fabulous foster carers for that child in their journey and provided them with some love and stability, preparing them for their next step. Or they get to be a permanent, noisy fixture in your lives!” they say. 

Early Permanence (sometimes called EP) is an umbrella term which covers both Fostering for Adoption and Concurrent Planning. At Barnardo’s, we find children loving homes through Fostering for Adoption.  

Fostering for Adoption is when a child is placed with prospective adopters who are also approved as foster carers. It means that children who may need adopting can live with a potential permanent family earlier than a conventional adoption. It allows the prospective adopters, the child’s social worker, us and the courts, to be sure that adoption is the best outcome for the child. Most importantly, fostering to adopt helps reduce the number of moves that a child experiences and creates a more stable environment for them.

*Charlie is not his real name.