How a Barnardo’s child sexual exploitation service helped Clary

From a young age Clary, now 18, felt like a girl and knew she was female, but this wasn’t how she appeared to the outside world.  

She grew up without peers she could speak to about what it meant to be a young trans woman, or any positive role models. By the time she reached secondary school, she was living a lonely and isolated life.  

“Some people did appear to show a ‘romantic’ interest in me, but they were just grooming me into thinking what they wanted was best for me. When you have a gap in your understanding [of what constitutes a healthy relationship] and no one to ask for advice, that’s when you’re vulnerable. I was vulnerable without realising.” 

Through providing the opportunity to talk, to be creative and express herself, one of our services became the safe space 18-year-old Clary needed to openly speak about the way she's been feeling and to feel understood. The service also provided mental health support. 

Life started to improve for Clary when she was referred by a social worker to one of our services which supports children and young people in the South West of England at risk or experiencing child sexual exploitation and/or criminal exploitation or who go missing. 

“That was the moment my life began to change for the better. I think it’s important for people to know when children and young people are exploited, not everything is solved the minute they get help. Certain situations are very complex and difficult to navigate.” 

When Clary first started her sessions, she initially thought she would just be speaking to a counsellor in a bland room, but she experienced something different. She says "The biggest thing that Barnardo’s provide is safety. They give you resources and opportunities too, but it’s their people who make the difference." 

“When I’m at Barnardo’s, I know I’m in a safe and welcoming place, and that does give you such relief. It’s a place where you can talk to a trusted project worker. They listen to you, but don’t make judgements or ask you lots of questions." 

She has also valued the approach taken by our staff and their willingness to listen to her experiences. “The project workers at Barnardo’s don’t see you as a victim, but as a person with potential, hopes and dreams, even when the trauma, the name calling and the abuse you have experienced can at times make it difficult to hold on to these. The sessions are about moving forward, being heard and learning together. Not every professional knows how to approach and support transgender young people, so working with Barnardo’s I’ve been able to help improve their understanding too."

Clary feels that we have helped her build a safe and positive future, and given her emotional support and practical resources to help her achieve it. 

Alongside a space to explore her feelings she's recently designed a set of t-shirts which are available to buy from Barnardo’s. She's also hoping to get a slot to perform a poem she’s written at a spoken word event. "It’s very exciting and life affirming," she says. "Being given these opportunities to be creative helps young people find their voice and discover what they want to do for themselves and not someone else.”

Clary concludes: “Ultimately, you can’t let what you’ve been through define you. Those traumatic events are a part of your life that’s happened, but you are still a person who deserves to feel safe and happy.” 

*Clary’s story is true, however certain visual and descriptive elements have been anonymised to protect the identities of the young people we help.