If you’re a parent, grandparent, or carer to a child who has experienced the death of a loved one you can help them cope by encouraging them to make a grief self-care kit.
Some days grief can sneak up on you unexpectedly, like when you see an old photograph or remember a funny memory. But special holidays, anniversaries or birthdays can be particularly tough if someone you love has died.
On special days children might find it particularly difficult if someone they cared about has died. For some children, the build-up to the day might feel harder.
They might feel sad, confused, angry or upset, and that’s ok.
Whether you are a parent, a grandparent or a carer, there are ways you can make it a bit easier. For example, you could help them make a grief self-care kit.
It might not work for every child. Everyone finds different things challenging or comforting.
Of course, if a child you care for is grieving, it's likely you will be too. A grief self-care kit is something you can make together in memory of a loved one.
What is a grief self-care kit?
A self-care kit is a box that’s packed with objects that ground your child and help them feel calm.
Usually they engage the five senses: touch, hearing, smell, taste, and sight.
What could you put in your self-care kit?
Your child’s self-care kit will be unique to them. You might suggest that they add the following to their self-care kit:
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fidget toys, slime, Lego bricks or a stress ball to touch
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headphones, lyrics you can sing or guided meditation to listen to
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their loved one’s favourite perfume, aftershave, or body lotion to smell
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their loved one’s favourite tea, hot chocolate, or sweets to taste
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films or photos that they can look at.
A young person told Barnardo’s Child Bereavement Service
The Barnardo's Education Community is full of resources to help you talk about grief, loss and bereavement.
Other ways to support your child
If a child is struggling to cope, you could also help them to:
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jot down how they’re feeling in a diary
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create a memory box – full of photos and objects, such as films or perfume, which remind them of the happy times they had with the person they lost
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do something in honour of their loved one - for example, you could organise a fundraiser for their favourite charity or help them create a new tradition
Phil Lindsay
Children's Service Manager of Barnardo's Child Bereavement Service in Northern Ireland
*The young person has been kept anonymous to respect their privacy.