How to keep talking

Whether you're catching up after school or facing a more worrying moment, here are five expert-backed tips to help you build trust, confidence, and connection through everyday conversations.

“What did you do in school today?”

“Can’t remember.”

We know it can be incredibly frustrating when children don’t seem to want to tell you about what’s going on with them. But by showing regular interest in their day, asking them about their lives and what’s happening in it, you can show them you care. Children who feel heard and valued are more likely to speak up when something’s wrong.

If they seem hesitant, try sharing your own experiences and feelings in a way appropriate for their age. This shows them that its good to talk, to label emotions and show vulnerability. But just be aware that it won’t necessarily mean they’ll want, or be able, to do it back to you. It might be that they’re not a developmental stage yet where they can do this, or it may be that they’d prefer to share what they’re experiencing in a different way.    ​​​​

When your child feels seen and listened to, they’re more likely to reach out for help if something is bothering them – whether it's friendship struggles or something more serious.     

Emotional conversations don’t have to be big, dramatic moments. In fact, the casual and consistent you can make them, the better. Share how you feel, even the hard stuff like sadness, frustration or anxiety. If you can do this in a calm and age-appropriate way you are showing them how to express difficult emotions.

Based on what works for your child you could ask how they’re feeling in the morning or before bed, and make space for honest answers. If you child has a negative reaction to being asked about feelings, or it’s not working then you can change it up. If you care for more than one child you might need to take two very different approaches.

Depending on their age and developmental stage you could try:

• Asking them to do a thumbs up/thumbs down to show how they feel.
• If they can give their day a rating out of 10.
• What the best and worst moment of their day was.
• Asking them if something made them laugh that day.

Your child is the expert on their lives, so if you're unsure how to ask then get their advice! Explain that you want to know about their lives and why this is important to you, but you're not quite sure how to ask in a way that works for them.

Get playful with it and come up with possible ideas, however ridiculous they may seem, that are unique to you and your relationship. Some children prefer drawing, or making a sound, or even an action to make the untalkable talkable. Don't underestimate the power of play and humour to get to the stuff that matters!

If you have regular conversations, you’ll be more in tune with your child’s emotions, and you may find it easier to spot when something might be up. 

You can also use films, games or books to spark conversations, for example some of our practitioners like the film Inside Out  to encourage younger children to talk about their feelings. However, you can do this with any media you’re enjoying together.

 Questions you could ask include:

• “How do you think that character felt?”
•  “What would you do if that happened to you?”
•  “Has anything made you feel worried recently?”
• “Who can you talk to if you feel confused or scared about something?”

Children are more likely to open up when they feel safe, unhurried and free from judgment.

• Choose a quiet, private moment when they seem calm.
• Avoid interrogating or interrupting, listen more than you talk.
• Let them share at their own pace, and don’t rush to solve or dismiss their worries.

If your child tells you something and you think you need share it with someone else, for example because it is linked to their safety, let your child know this and tell them your reasons. Sharing without consent can erode trust and make it much less likely that your child will talk to you again in the future.

If your child finds it hard to open up, that’s okay. Some children express themselves better through drawing, storytelling, or playing. Meet them where they’re at.

If something’s worrying you, a change in behaviour, a gut feeling, or something more concrete, it’s okay to raise it with your child.

Be aware that your child may already be feeling embarrassed or ashamed, so try to discuss your worries without judgement and reassure them that you’re always there to talk to.

Spend a bit of time planning where and when to have this conversation. Consider how you and your child might be feeling and that your child is in a place they feel safe.

• Speak calmly and clearly about what you’ve noticed.
• Reassure them they’re not in trouble, you just want to understand and help.

Your instinct may be to react with anger or fear but try not to because this may make them shut down or feel ashamed. Even if you feel emotional, take a breath before you respond. Remind them that they’re safe, you’re here, and they’ve done the right thing by talking to you.

No parent or carer has all the answers, and that’s okay.

If you’re concerned, talk to another adult your child trusts. It could be a teacher, youth worker, relative or family friend.

If your child discloses something serious, you can contact professional support services, including social care or the police. They’re there to help protect children and support families. Let your child know if you plan to do this so you don’t break their trust.

Remember, you don’t have to wait until something bad happens to ask for help. There’s lots of places you can go to on- and offline for help.

• Be consistent: check in regularly, not just when something goes wrong.
• Be open: share your own emotions so they feel safe doing the same.
• Be patient: some children take time to open up and that’s okay.
• Be safe: let them know you’ll always listen without judgment.
• Be supported: if you’re unsure, speak to someone you trust or reach out for help.

Just remember, you’re doing better than you think. Being a parent or carer isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about trying, staying curious, and being there when it counts. By making time to talk, really listen, and respond with warmth and honesty, you’re helping your child feel safe, heard and loved and that’s what matters most.

• From running services across the country to providing useful online guidance and support, we’re here to try and make your role as a parent or carer a little bit easier. See what support we offer parents and carers.​​
• Your doctor: If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health or behaviour, speak to your GP. They can assess your child’s needs, provide advice, and refer you to specialist services such as Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) if needed. 
• Your child’s school: Check your child is happy for you to get in touch with them first. Many schools have pastoral care teams, safeguarding leads or school counsellors. They can support conversations around behaviour, safety or wellbeing, and may be able to signpost further help.
• You can read advice from the NSPCC on talking to children about difficult topics. ​​​​​

All of the information on this page was created with practising health professionals. This page was reviewed in December 2025. We will next review the page in 2028.