Anya and Rhea's story

We had a great rapport with the first Social Worker we met, who was open and honest about the process and what we would be facing. We valued that honesty and felt comfortable, which is important as you are baring your innermost thoughts and feelings through [the first stages of the adoption process]. It is important that you can be yourself.

The process itself was tough, there were numerous times I felt like we would never get there. The questions were in-depth and soul-searching. It did help prepare us though for conversations and viewpoints that Anya and I would never have discussed before the children came along. It helped us to be more united when the children did arrive.

We looked at a few children before we settled on ours, in fact, when we first came across them, we decided they weren’t for us and carried on looking. After a few weeks, Anya turned to me and said, 'I’m still thinking about those two' and I too had been thinking about them, so we went back for another look! From then on, we were all in and didn’t even consider any other children. We were fighting and advocating for them from that moment onwards.

That was tough going, getting to know children on paper, and preparing for a life with them, that may not happen and guarding your heart in case it didn’t. 

When they first stayed with us overnight, we were nervous and wanted everything to be just right for them. We had decorated their rooms in themes we thought they would like – following the advice of the foster carers, we washed their bedding in the same washing powder that they were used to and made sure we had the right brand of toothpaste, shampoo, and bubble bath.

They ate their tea and slept really well – I think Anya and I were more nervous and didn’t sleep much worrying that they weren’t ok. When we got into bed that first night, we looked at each other – it felt so surreal to have all the bedrooms in our house full. The house we had bought with children in mind two years before they entered our world!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends or family, but also from organisations that can help you. You will need support at different stages of your journey. Some of the things in adoption can weigh heavy on your soul and your children’s, being able to keep showing up, even when it's tough and you don’t want to. Being resilient and able to know when you need to step away for a moment, in order to go back with energy is key. 

In the time they have been home with us, they have moved on leaps and bounds in every aspect of their lives; emotionally, physically, cognitively, and medically. But we appreciate and understand this will be a lifelong commitment in helping them to be the best they can be and come to terms with their life stories before us, where they are not held back from their past experiences, and they can be their truest selves.