In their words

These quotations are all from parents who have attended our groups in the past two years.

It was the best thing I ever did to help my children.

I feel that, although I don’t believe my life should only revolve around my children, that there is no more vital job in today’s society.

I have seen myself as a person, not a maid or a servant.

I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone.

I realise now it’s not just a mess, it is a building site or a teddy’s tea party. So instead of saying "tidy up that mess", I help at the site or have fun with the teddies too.

Once I was so easy-going, now I am a bit ‘discipline’, like when I say no I mean no.

Case study: Paul (prison programme)

Paul has been in prison for three years. He is married and has two boys, aged nine and seven. During his time in prison he has tried to keep his relationship with his sons alive. Some of Paul’s concerns were about not being there for the boys as they grow up. He was worried that not being physically present meant that he couldn’t be a good father.

Paul joined the parenting group because he wanted to be a better parent. During the programme he discovered ways in which he could still be a ‘good enough’ dad. He began thinking more in terms of what was possible rather than what wasn’t possible.

As both his sons were keen on motor sports, he suggested they begin a scrapbook together. Paul looked out for pictures and articles to put into it. He encouraged the boys to talk about this whenever they visited. Paul felt that this helped strengthen his relationship with his sons and let his boys know he was interested in their hobbies.

(Barnardo's Parenting Matters project has continued to work in both of the adult prisons in Northern Ireland in the past year, running three parenting programmes with the male prisoners in Maghaberry and Magilligan).