In their words

Every child that comes to Barnardo’s has the opportunity to do things that they may not have had otherwise. I was a vulnerable teenager, moving into the project. I am now a strong adult who has left the project. I still know that the project is just where I left it and I can go back to visit any time

I have a very large family. My mother has four sisters and a brother and all of them have more than two children. It’s just a shame that none of us see each other any more. My mum and dad split up when I was twelve and my sister and I lived with my mother. Not much of a loss at all, my father was a nasty piece of work.

For years I suffered from mental and physical torture, as a young child I would be made to feel guilty and greedy for asking for simple things such as sweets. He was drinking alcohol heavily every night and when my mother went to night school, I would become his victim and personal punch bag. It didn’t happen to my little sister but hearing me cry every night was scarring in itself. People could walk into my home when I was a child and think that our childhood was any child’s dream, but behind the tall fireplaces, crystal chandeliers and snobby accents was a monster.

With all of these disturbing events going on I started to rebel at the young age of fifteen. I ran away from home to be with my friends who had left the care system and had flats of their own. None of us could look after ourselves properly, but we all had a lot in common so resorted to drugs and sniffing solvents; looking back it was just a way to blank out all of the bad bits and to be in a different world.

I soon met my first real partner who wasn’t really anything to be desired but he was used to this hardened lifestyle, maybe he could help me through. I grew to love him, as our relationship had been pleasant and exciting to say the least. I found myself after three months waiting for him to come out from one of the many prison sentences he had already served. I got housed from a young person’s hostel into a Barnardo’s flat. I was on my own but I was managing.

After what seemed a long wait my partner was released from prison. I started to feel sick in the mornings a month later and my stomach started to grow. I was over the moon. I don’t think he was. He soon resorted to drugs and turned into a monster, he was beyond my control. He was aggressive, shouting and hitting me on a daily basis.

Tenants who lived in the same building as us started to complain about the noise and my partner and I burgled the flat next door to us. We were evicted and carried on our existence living homeless in Cardiff. We were living in squats with heroin and amphetamine addicts, prostitutes and even paedophiles. This sickened me as I was about to have a child. The squats were often burnt out and derelict buildings with dirty syringes, pigeon’s defecation, and blankets covering the floor.

In the nights the squat would be lit by candlelight, battery operated radios would be playing; people would be awake all night from the drugs. I didn’t take drugs as I was pregnant but I had to stay awake with my partner. I became tired, undernourished, black and blue.

The worst things I can remember happening to me were being thrown down a fire escape, stabbed through my finger, my tooth knocked out, having petrol poured over me ready to be lit, and being threatened with a dirty syringe. With all of the diseases going round those who use dirty syringes, I realised that this boy was going to take the lives of my child to be and also mine.

I had a little girl. We have been through a lot together. We spent about a year in a refuge for those who have suffered with domestic violence. I was given a second chance with Barnardo's.

I can now see that my life is going to be happy. I think my daughter and I deserve it. I am happy with my family!.

I had a social worker for about three months and my children were living away from me. I had contact with them at a local nursery but didn’t know where they were living. I felt very low and there seemed little hope for the future without my children. I was given a new social worker and she told me about the project. I met the children’s foster carer and I got on well with her. For the first time I felt that someone was going to help me. I was excited about the project and had to attend an interview, this made me very nervous as I was frightened that the project would not accept me.

It was wonderful news when I was told I had been accepted and my life began to turn around.

The next six weeks went very slow in some way, in others it went fast. It seemed that it was never going to happen, but it did. When I heard about our new home I was so excited and 'my feet didn’t touch the ground'. There was so much to do. Everyone had to work really hard and eventually I moved into my new home, with my children. It was like a dream come true. My children have now settled and look upon our new home 'as theirs', my eldest son has started school and is starting to make friends.

I think the project is great. They have helped me a lot and are there for me. I still have a social worker, who drives me mad, and together with my support worker I am making progress.

Thank you to the project and staff – you’re great!!!!

Since the beginning of this year, myself and a group of ex and current service users of the statutory mental health services, have been involved in just getting together and discussing our woes.

Pretty much instantly we managed to form a presentation – through which, we hoped to get our message of dissatisfaction, suggestions and a general moan. The presentations were about our experiences of feeling let down by the services and being stigmatised for our circumstances, from homelessness, lack of compassionate staff, long waiting lists and little positive changes we wanted, tissues whenever we cried, greater communication.

Many of us felt much better, to get together and talk with people who’ve experienced similar situations – but most of all, the vague idea we could change some things for existing service users and make the mental health services more empowering and less aggravating and depressing.